Am sitting on the guest bed in the second bedroom of my beloved apartment. Tapping on my laptop, listening to tinny sounds of old skool funk/soul emanating from my Mac. Movers from Santa Fe are here efficiently doing their jobs packing my life and belongings up into little square boxes and sticky taping and labelling them. A few more hours and my apartment will be empty-ish. And my worldly possessions sitting in a container somewhere, and hopefully they make their way safely across the oceans to arrive in San Francisco in 6-8 weeks.
This move has been incredibly stressful. More so than I expected. And this is despite having done quite a bit of groundwork spending time in SF to meet people, check out neighborhoods and integrate. Can't imagine how much worse it would be if I hadn't had the luxury to do that over the last few months. Am glad I quit in February. Am blessed to have had 6 months off to rejig my life.
And yet, the move has been stressful. An international move. Going through and purging 6+ years (at least) of accumulated goods. Triggering of memories and emotions. The whole process has been physically taxing and emotionally draining. Read a bunch of pieces on the great world wide web today as to why moving is also stressful. Ranks up there with death, divorce and job loss. And just having the movers here is making me feel utterly discombobulated.
One entry summed it up quite well, as to why it is so:
"Security Alert.
Our homes provide security. They shelter us from the elements and from the outside world. When we make a move, we are giving up known levels of security and trading them for unknown security. This loss of security adds stress as part of our brains now have to be on the alert for potential dangers. It may takes weeks or months before we feel safe in the new environment.
Memory Triggers.
As we pack up our years of accumulated belongings, we are also forcing ourselves to review our lives. Although many of our possessions will trigger positive memories, some of them may trigger painful memories. We may find old photographs, mementos, letters, or clothing that remind us of losses. We must also make decisions about what to keep and what to discard. These discards can also represent losses as we leave our past lives behind.
Reprogramming Blues
Once we have lived in a home or apartment for many months, we become used to where we keep our things. We learn the locations of rooms, doors, steps, windows, cabinets, electrical and water outlets, and hundreds of other objects. As we learn these locations, our brain is programmed to remember them. When we move, we have to de-program our brains and reprogram them for the new locations. This forces our brains to work overtime in subtle ways that add to our stress and cause fatigue.
Support System Sacrifice
Our old community provided obvious and hidden supports. We learned the locations and hours of the local grocery stores, pharmacies, hospitals, religious and school institutions. We developed some acquaintances and friendships. In moving, we lose those support systems and have to find replacements. Although the new ones may be an improvement, it still requires effort on our parts to find them and make them part of our new lives."
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So, there you have it. And really, all I can do in the meanwhile is keep breathing. Unfortunately there is still the stress of finding an apartment in SF that ticks the boxes, getting a car (buying VS leasing? which car?), all the money that is being spent on this relocation....ahhh...so much to look forward to! can't even begin to think about the challenges of the new job yet. And the feeling of being isolated and lonely and alone. I know I can do this. Just need to take it step by step, no?
